A Tribute to the Life
of
Leanne Joyce Cowley
Very dearly loved daughter of John and Jocelyn
And dear sister of Rob and Alesha



22nd November 1987 – 28th December 2002



Funeral ceremony at the Vale Douzaine Room
Thursday, 16th January 2003
2.00 p.m.
Conducted by Gary J. Vaudin, Humanist Celebrant









OPENING MUSIC
“Talkin’ ‘Bout A Revolution”
Tracy Chapman
TRACK 1, 2’ 38”


OPENING WORDS

We meet here today to pay tribute to the life of Leanne Joyce Cowley. We meet partly to say a final farewell to a young girl who, sadly, brought her life to a tragic and premature end and partly to remember the person she was. By so doing, I hope that you, her family and friends, who have been deeply hurt by her untimely death, will derive some comfort and consolation from being here.

My name is Gary Vaudin and I am supervising the proceedings this afternoon in the capacity of a funeral director and as an accredited officiant for the British Humanist Association. Our ceremony for Leanne will be short and simple, without recourse to religion. This is how she would have wanted it and, indeed, how her family wish it to be. There will be an opportunity, later in our ceremony, for you each to remember Leanne in accordance with whatever beliefs you may hold.



THOUGHTS ON LIFE AND DEATH


Few events can affect us as powerfully as the sudden and tragic death of someone we have loved, especially a young person like Leanne. Leanne’s death has been especially heartbreaking for Jocelyn and John, her mum and dad, Rob and Alesha, her brother and sister, as well as others of you here who count among her family and closest friends. Yet her death is of concern, either directly or indirectly, to each and every one of us through our common humanity. It is right and natural that we should grieve.

The borderline between life and death is fragile for all of us. The end of life will come either suddenly, without warning, or slowly and predictably. Leanne, however, determined that she would be the one to decide when and how it should happen. Whatever her reasons, the decision she made almost three weeks ago amounted to a judgement, a choice between whether life is or is not worth living.
No one who knows of the circumstances of Leanne’s death will remain untouched by it or fail to ask themselves whether they could have done anything to prevent it. One may speculate that a blinding fit of adolescent rage induced the recklessness by which she ended her life. Perhaps she felt despondent and thought that she could not go on living in a confused world facing an uncertain future. We will never know for certain; too many questions remain unanswered and there are so many ‘if onlys’. Something of which I am certain, however, having learned of the compassionate side of Leanne’s personality, is that, had she foreseen the distress and pain she has inflicted on those left behind, she would have been so sincerely sorry. She never meant to hurt any one of you.

The fact of Leanne’s death cannot be altered and the tragedy of it can be neither denied nor disguised. Yet, you should not allow yourselves to be preoccupied with it nor permit it, on account of the heartache and turmoil it has caused, to eclipse other phases of your lives. Rather focus your minds on Leanne’s living image and remember the person she was. Your memories of her will live on much longer than your bewilderment over the choice she made at the end.

The words of Alexander Solzehenitsyn may provide some consolation:

Some people are bound to die young.
By dying young, a person stays young for ever in
people’s memory.
If she burns brightly before she dies, her light shines
for all time.



THE TRIBUTE

I first met Leanne, albeit briefly, a little over five months ago, on another sad occasion, at the funeral ceremony that I conducted for Joyce Allen, her dearly loved grandmother, which was held in this very meeting place, but I cannot lay claim to knowing her personally. Last Monday afternoon, however, I spent some time with Jocelyn and John at La Becassine, their home in Folie Lane, listening to some of the things they could recall about their daughter’s brief life. Their recollections have left me with a clear impression of the kind of girl Leanne was. So I hope, therefore, that this short tribute will reflect, to some degree, your memories of her, memories that will continue to be part of you.

Even as young as eighteen months, Leanne showed signs of developing an energetic, exuberant and headstrong personality. When Leanne was two years old, John and Jocelyn, as part of a family holiday, took her to a children’s farm where she kept pestering and annoying a kid goat. The goat eventually grew tired of her teasing and reacted by butting and bowling her over, a scene from her life that was captured on videotape. Leanne has a small scar at the top of her forehead (you may be able to discern it in the photograph on the coffin) which she acquired at a tender age after running and tripping headlong into the sharp edge of a concrete wall, all because she wasn’t watching where she was going. Once, during another family holiday in the New Forest, she perceived no danger whatsoever in attempting to wander among a group of the true, wild ponies she encountered there. Another time, during a family sojourn at Centre Parks, a holiday resort noted for its swimming facilities, she went careering down a hill on a bike and, unmindful of her direction, rode headlong into a bin. This left her too injured to take part in any swimming activities. Jocelyn and John told me that they needed to ‘have eyes in the back of their heads’ when Leanne was small.

As a child, Leanne attended the Vale Infants’ and Junior Schools. She lacked the necessary concentration to do well academically and was of average ability but she excelled in other ways and certainly had an impact on her teachers and fellow pupils. A school report from the year of 1993 described her as having ‘been a lively member of the class!’ She was what you might call ‘a spirited pupil.’

During her childhood, Leanne underwent dancing lessons. She loved tap- dancing and ballet as well as some modern dance styles and enjoyed participating in dance festivals. She was confident and happy to ‘get up on stage’ and perform and once danced at the Eisteddfod. She also played a role in the pantomime of Aladdin when she was a member of the St. John’s Ambulance Brigade Cadets.

A very active child, Leanne was also an excellent swimmer and was a member of an after-school swimming club. She used to participate in the swimming galas in which the club competed. She gave up membership of the swimming club when she broadened her interests to become a St. John’s Cadet and a Girl Guide. She was, of course, a Brownie before she was a Girl Guide.

When Leanne reached her eighth birthday, John and Jocelyn treated her to riding lessons. A year or so into riding, she won a prize in a ‘leading rein’ competition. She became an accomplished rider and even taught Maria, a friend, to ride. She earned rosettes for her participation in the West and South Show gymkhanas and won a couple of trophies for events organised by La Carrière Stables.

Leanne enjoyed helping out at the stables at Baubigny, particularly as this earned her free riding time, and it was not unusual for her to start the day at six in the morning and finish at eight o’clock in the evening. She maintained her interest in horses and riding until she was twelve years old when, one day, she came home from the stables and announced to her parents that she wouldn’t go again. After four years of commitment, her equestrian activities came to an abrupt end.

Approaching adolescence, Leanne left the Vale Junior and attended St. Sampson’s Secondary School, albeit only for a short time. Possibly exacerbated by the hormonal changes that were beginning to take place inside her developing body, her spirited behaviour began to change for the worse. She became disobedient, rude and disruptive. She began to indulge in such anti-social behaviour as dangerous pranks, drinking alcohol on school premises, smoking and truancy. She received so many exclusions or expulsions that she spent more time out than in school.

Though, throughout childhood, Leanne had often experienced intense temper tantrums, these became increasingly uncontrollable and violent. When she lost her temper, she was not responsible for her actions. Sadly, Jocelyn was often the target of her daughter’s aggression.

Excluded from school, Leanne began to mix with so-called, ‘undesirables’, usually people older than her. She got into trouble with the police and frequently went missing from home, at one time for three days and two nights. Out of sheer desperation, John and Jocelyn turned to the local Social Services for help and support. Eventually, Leanne went into voluntary care under the charge of the Children’s Board.

Yet Leanne displayed something of a split personality, a Jekyll and Hyde-like character. She had insight into how she was hurting those who loved her. Following an uncontrollable temper outburst, she could be deeply apologetic. I read a letter that she wrote after one such episode and it was heavy with remorse for the distress she had caused.

Leanne had a sensitive, caring side to her nature. She had a wonderful way with babies and young children or anyone who was ill. Once, when Jocelyn was terribly sick, constantly retching and was subsequently taken into hospital, Leanne helped nurse her mother back to health.
Leanne loved her mum and dad, her older brother and younger sister. Despite her shortcomings, they loved her in return. She will be deeply missed and it will take time to adjust to her loss.

You who knew and loved Leanne will be able to add many details to this short tribute to her life. I now ask you to hold a minute’s silence so that you can each remember Leanne in your own way. Those of you with religious faith might like to use this time for private prayer.

Pause of one minute



CLOSING WORDS

We have been remembering, with love and affection, the life of Leanne Joyce Cowley, a life that has ended so suddenly and tragically and long before you might have expected it. Hold on to her in your thoughts; cherish your memories of her, just as we have done this afternoon.

As we prepare to leave this Douzaine room to take Leanne’s encoffined body for private interment at a nearby cemetery, we shall hear a song: ‘Nelly Dilemma’ featuring Kelly Rowland. The song is typical of the kind of music Leanne liked.



CLOSING MUSIC
“Nelly Dilemma”
Featuring Kelly Rowland
3’ 59”












COMMITTAL AT THE VALE PAROCHIAL CEMETERY

We have now reached the final part in today’s funeral ceremony for Leanne. As the bearers gently lower the coffin into the grave, it seems fitting to recite a couple of poems. First, a few words adapted from a poem by C. Day Lewis:

Her laughter was better than birds in the morning,
Her smile turned the edge of the wind,
Her memory disarms death and charms the surly grave.
Early she went to bed,
Too early we saw her light put out,
Yet we could not grieve more than a little while,
For she lives in the earth around us,
Laughs from the skies.

C. Day Lewis – from A Time to Dance:
In memory of L.P. Hedges



And now a poem that Jocelyn and John have especially requested for today: ‘Do not stand at my grave and weep’. These lines, from an anonymous source, resound with positive imagery:

“Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep”

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints of snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle, autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Wreaths were from:

To dearest Leanne, forever loving you. Mum, Dad, Rob and Alesha;
In loving memory of Leanne. You will always be missed love Granddad;
Leanne, we will never forget you with love Gran and Grandad Cowley;
In loving memory of Leanne. Always in our thoughts love Auntie Carol, Uncle Alan, Julia, Shaun, Wayne, Kayleigh and Nadia;
Peace, Perfect Peace. You'll always be remembered with love. Aunty Teresa, Uncle Roy, Sarah Lee, Paul, Meghan and Corey;
In loving memory of dear Leanne from Uncle Kev, Auntie Pat, Donna, James and Andy;
Sleep in peace. To our precious niece Leanne. A special Guernsey flower. All our love Aunty Fuff, Uncle Gerry, Aunty Judy, Uncle Alan, Aunty Jane, Uncle Kevin and all the families;
Fondest memories. To dear Leanne from Great-Uncle Horace and Aunty Margaret;
To our dearest cousin Leanne. We will love and miss you always, with all our love, Denise, Duncan, Jamie, Peter, Rachel, Louise and all the children;
Dear Leanne. Thinking of you always! Loving you always and asking myself why, love forever Kiri
In affectionate remembrance of our dear friend Leanne. Always in our thoughts, Linda G, Cindy and families;
In loving remembrance. We will remember you with love Leanne. May your star shine ever brightly. Love from Janice, Kevin, Nick and Elise;
With deepest sympathy. In our thoughts, Lynn and Bob;
With deepest sympathy. Bob, Janet, Claire and John;
Happy memories. To dear Leanne. With fondest memories love from Gill, Lucy, Sam and Katie;
In loving memory of Leanne from Lilian and Peter Bale and all at No. 88;
In loving memory of Leanne from Grett;
Leanne, Rest in Peace from Chris, Tracey and Len;
Always remembered. Loving thoughts, our love Fiona, Kevin, Mark and Ross;
With love from Phil, Sue, Charlotte and Natalie;
With deepest sympathy, with all our love Sandy, Geoff and Cara;
With deepest sympathy. God Bless from the Le Compte family;
Peace, Perfect Peace. Dearest Leanne. With our love from Kath and Reg, Daphne and Fred, Judith, Siobhan and Margaret;
With heartfelt sympathy from Phil Falla, Kevin Kreckler, Ruari Hardy and the Island Police;
With deepest sympathy. Sleep in peace Leanne from Julie, Geoff and Danni;
In God's keeping. Goodbye Leanne, all our love Peter, Alan, Ann and Ivor;
There are no words. Love Elaine, Peter, Kathy and Joanne;
Dear Leanne. Rest in peace from Ruth Walsh;
With sincere sympathy from the Management and Staff of The Children's Board;
In loving memory of dear Leanne from Pauline, Diane, Gill, Jackie, Sandy and their families;
Peace begins with a smile. May you smile forever Leanne. With love from Karen, Andrea, Jen and families;
Leanne. We love you and will miss you. Thinking of you always. Happy memories, all our love Leah, Kayleigh and Debbie.

The funeral arrangements were by Beckford's Funeral Services Limited with Gary J Vaudin supervising.